Face Down I've Fallen Again

Sun, 17 Oct 2004 04:52:51 GMT

I feel like shit. Ummm yeah

Today was fucking great. I dont know me and my brother and his girlfriend went out to celebrate an early birthday.Oh my god my brithday is so close. yay! anyways. Ummm we went to a haunted house, and it was the scariest in Vegas suposedly, It was called the black box, So my brother was first and then it was my brother girlfriend then me, and we were like clinging to eachother.When we first went in there was like..2 doors and a fireplace, So we stood there for about 2 min thinking where to go, and this girl popped out and she was like 'LEAVE!' and i giggled. She looked at me and i burried my face in Melanies houlder. She pointed to the fire place and Melanie was like '..wont we get burned?'' and by then i was laughing so hard, We went through the fireplace and i had to go first cause my brother didnt want to, so i stuck my head out and examined everything, then i went to the back of Melanie and pushed chris in. He led the way, with people poipping out at us, by then Melanie was bawling. And then there was this guy which mel claims looked like jesus, he wouldnt let us through, and i was like 'ummm excuse me?' and he was like 'SHUT UP' and then i was like '...well sorry for being rude' and he moved and while we where walking he followed behind me, he kept blowing at my neck, then we went through this white room that had fog in it, and strobe lights, it was fucking freezing in there, and there was a skelteton with huge fingers and he ran up to us, then while he were walking away he like, ran his fingers through my hair and i started spazzing out. i was yelling 'HE TOUCHED ME! HE TOUCHED ME! THATS ILLEGAL, YOU FUCK!'' or something like that and then there was this other guy that looked like Freddy kruger. and he was like telling us to look at him, he wouldnt let us go till we did. and Mel wouldnt look at him and he kept blowing, groaning and saying stuff like "Melaanie look at me" and she kept bawling and he was like "will you shut up already?" it was fucking funny. and then there was this hole in the floor with fire in it, Fake fire in it and this guy was talking and i couldnt unederstand what he was saying and then i was like 'CAN YOU REPEAT THAT... I DIDNT QUITE UNDERSTAND YOU WITH THE TRIPPY VOICE EFFECT'' and he got really mad. and then this guy popped out and started chasing us... the end... only not

Sat, 21 Feb 2004 06:08:54 GMT

I Love Mest like whoa!

Sat, 31 Jan 2004 01:36:10 GMT

uhhh so much for updating i had forgot my password woops! and i have a new journal on greatestjournal.com www.greatestjournal.com/users/Emo_Tears_x woooop MEST IS TOMMOROW

Wed, 10 Dec 2003 00:25:10 GMT

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I loveable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. If I was an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What song (if any) reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. Do you consider me a good friend?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Would you make a move on me?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Do I cross your mind at least 2 times a day?

Thu, 27 Nov 2003 23:18:33 GMT

i think ive lost all my friends *sigh* ....

Sun, 09 Nov 2003 23:28:09 GMT

today is my moms birthday if only i could tell her i loved her but i'd be lying fuck i hate this

Sat, 08 Nov 2003 08:40:57 GMT

..ehh new backround pretty huh? umm not really im ugly as fuck but anyways i really dont know what to post cept "hi" i havent talked to like any of you guys and no one comments in my jouranl =[ *goess off to cry*

Mon, 03 Nov 2003 07:51:11 GMT

ok time for another update hmmmm.... i dont know what to say ive been so bored lately ive had nothing to do its fucking cold and your gonna have to just sit here and read me complain ok that makes no sense but its going to have to do because at 11 30 at night your going to have to cooparoate(sp?) ummm yeah me and stephy took pics it was great man i got called a jit ugh *rolls eyes* ok your gong to have to spare me as a preppy bitch LyKe OmG WhAtEvA lmao i kid kid im not turning oreeoy of whatever damnit Will is such a whore he wants Lauren to have sex with his shes like 14 or 13 hes 18 LMFAO! haha she told me and i almost died laughing ehh she was like he was telling me that i was to young for him but he would still fuck me LMFAO thats some funny shit dont ask me why but it is and i dont know why im still rambling im trying to make this a somwhat long post but yet it is naw lol this guy that i was on FTJ is sooooo fucking hot *orgasmmm* i talked to Billy and he said i could co-own him Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe and that was some random shit i guess this guy told me that cuz i was like excuse me if i keep misellinga and out of nowhere i was just like whoa if anyone wants an abondoned journal that i dont use anymore just tell me i might give it to this one guy sp like dont hesitate to ask i dont think he wants it i dont know but yeah thats besides the point so yeah if you want one just im me and ill tell you the username and password yeah ummm what else is there to say oh yeah Sara baby i love you a lot your the highlight of my life the sun shine in my day the air that makes me breath and the dstrenth i need lol i dont know why i just said and why have you not commented on my poems *sniff* it makes me sad *sniffs more* you make me sad im going to go cry now and Katie even if you dont comment i will still love you lol =] your my humpy bunny! and and and Katie your perfect the way you are and im sure everyone agrees with you to me your buitifull(sp?) and i dont think you should change your image why do you care if you look like the popel in the magazines that what makes you who you are and thats why i love you!

xoxo- Ree 2 dope (LMFAO STEPHYYYY) jk Ree

Sun, 02 Nov 2003 21:41:33 GMT

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE o.O this be STEPH-FAYYY see.. now.. I EVEN CALL MYSELF THAT. *throws ~~rocks~~ jordans muffins at benji* VIAGRA POPUP ADS!!!! ewwicky o0; haha it like.. popped up and I was like staring at it, and Irene was like CLOSE THAT. and I was like.. BUT I WANT SOME!!! and yeah o.o; ^___^ and then she hit me on my head. ...>x

SHE CO OWNS BILLLLLLLLLAYhjfdhjgfd =]

random.... please comment and i will love you forver

Sat, 01 Nov 2003 06:28:37 GMT

im on the phone with Effy ehh were just talking

Effy- sing twinkle twinkle little star
me- TINKLE TINK-
Effy-TWINKLE IRENE TWINKLE
me- NOOOO TINKLE
Effy- TWINKLE
me- TINKLE TINKLE LITTLE STAR *burp* HOW I WON-
Effy- no stop its my turn
me-*burp*
Effy-HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU ARE
me- i forgot the words *burp*
me- *burp burp burp burp burp burp burp*
Effy- Irene stop burping into the phone

Effy- TAXXXXMMMANNNNN
me- you know you fantasises about him
Effy - oh yes i want his sexy bod
me- you want him to tap your ass

EFFFFFFFFFFY IS LAUGHING HER ASSSSSSS OFFFF THAT THONG THONG THONGGGGGG!!!!!!!

Personality Disorder Test Results

Paranoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Schizoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Schizotypal	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Antisocial	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Borderline	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Narcissistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Dependent	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Obsessive-Compulsive	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test

update really long one

Tue, 28 Oct 2003 01:33:31 GMT

i made a list of the things that are important to me bacause in Mr.Slocum's class he taught us this way of writing
popcorn fights
candy necklaces
water fights
speeding cars
candy machines
computers
worries
steady pace
candy rings
moving escalator
ringing cell phones
waiting in line
spending time with friends
fake boobies LMAO!
green and yellow spit
breathing hard
magazines
waking people out
checkered shoes
apathetic moments
excriment people
singing
movies
public disturbance
starbucks
tip boxs
cherry coke
bondage pants
caddilacs
how hard it is to do anything in a space ship
well its not really people importance its just things i think are immportant most of them are moments,inside jokes and yeah. welll right now im not reLLY onlinw im just typing and im talking to April on the phone and and and and she is scaring me shes like being all suicidal and i dont know why god and i had to stop Rachel from commiting today it was damn i was like that would ve the most selfish thing you could ever do damn this seems like a really long post but its not its just a list and ive been writing a lot of poem please comment and tell me what you think i would appriciate it so much!

poem number 1
ive never been good at explaining
the way i feel for you
but if i had one last chance
id say how much i love you
but its not my last chance
but i still want to say
id give my life for you
i wanna tell you how much
i love you and how much i care
but it never comes out right
it seems i dont care
but my words are real
dont ever doubt them
i wont lie about it
i wish i could spend the rest of my life
with you knowing your the only one i love
and if you love me
it will last
all my problems are now in the past
with your love ive washed them away
so please as i say this listen
please dont ever leave me please stay

poem number 2
why did you have to die?
why did you have to leave?
why couldnt you have stayed?
well at least for me...
why the stupid way out?
of all ways this one.
you told me it was stupid
not to ever try
you left my with these tears
i have no choice but to cry
WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?
you told me it would get better
at least a million times
if only i was there to tell you
the same thing
its all my fault
im to blame so
now as i cry
i wonder why
you had to die...

poem numebr 3
crying on my bed
in my room
thinking about you
wondering if we'll ever be
again this was my fault
i brought it on myself
and i know this too
why am i so stupid?
why couldnt i see?
how much i loved you
and how much you loved me
of corse you meant the
world to me
and you still do
i love you with all my heart
and i hope you know its true
im crying now thinking of what
i mustve done to you im hurting
more than you'll ever know
your all that i think about
your running thru my mind
driving me crazy with your
pretty eyes
your perfect lips
your amazing smile
your purple hair
the way you are
drives me wil
when i close my eyes
all i see is you
now that i think
about it i cant
live without you
but i shouldve known
i knew i wasnt the one
but it never crossed my mind that i
would cry for you
i think im so
foolish for leaving then crying
it was my fault
and i hope you take me
back baby cant you see
your the only one for me

entry

Sat, 25 Oct 2003 06:41:35 GMT

ok i havent updated in a long time and and i want lots and lots of comments ok? well anyways i dont know what to say now. fuck

Sat, 18 Oct 2003 08:23:42 GMT

BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!! WEEEE GO ME! GET ME SOMETHING OR AT LEAST TELL ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY *cries* NO PRESENTS! NO ONE GOT ME PRESNTS

Mon, 13 Oct 2003 04:09:37 GMT

god will makes me feel like a fucking whore! err i think i hate him now i mean at first he was cool and shit butnow hes an ass asking me who in his band he was going to give head too i cant believe im only like14542 years younger than him not really but you ge the point AND hes tried to hook me up with 2 of his band memebrs which are older than me and Ryan he was like your to young for me well be friends but just friends and i was like i never wanted to be more than friends and he was like oh but Will and i was like errrrrr he really pisses me off now

Thu, 09 Oct 2003 04:16:27 GMT

new username add me xBlackest_Tears

Mon, 29 Sep 2003 00:32:03 GMT

hi- its Ree's friend Sara!

hellu Ree!! <333

Ree is sexy like whoa and me and jere heart her to the nooferest uber awesome woot woot LIKE HOLY FUCKING WHOA!

hehe i love you hun.

SMOKE THE MOTHERFUCKING POT, MAN!

<3 sara

Sun, 28 Sep 2003 22:17:01 GMT

comment if you still care.....

saying sorry doesnt cut it all the time

Sun, 28 Sep 2003 19:42:51 GMT

someone gave me a link to this story so i dont claim it as my own and if your the author of this just tell me and ill give you credit but this story just made me realize saying sorry doesnt cut it all the time but what else is there to say when you lost the person you love most in this world and your still choking on yu rheart trying to fuigure out what words to tell her to try to make things better knowing that youll probably never talk to her again this is so hard for me maybe that will teach me not to be a -non-caring selfish bitch i dont know well its really been a long time since iev actuall updated i mean ive lost Caryn and Stephy and 2 other people yoiu guys dont know who else is next... Sara?Karlee?Heather?Dani?Katie? *sigh* thease past few days have been so hard for me i coild concentrate on my work at school i actually borke down crying in 1st period errr i hate thia and Katie said Caryn is just mad that i hurt myself i havent since like 1 month this life is just complete bull shit and ive ruined my life now doesnt everyone agree
the story:(i dont know how to do lj cut so yeah)
Sorry
I think Elton John said it best: "Sorry seems to be the hardest word."

As I saw him standing there looking away from me and in total disgust of what I did; the only words I could utter out wouldn't dare come to my lips. The more I tried it was if the more I was going to fail at doing so.

I sighed and took a seat down on the hotel bed and looked at him as he was leaning against the wall staring down at the floor. He had no emotion. As I stared at him I noticed something I never noticed before; he was perfect. Perfect in my eyes and I needed to let him know that.

"Paul?" My voice trembled.

His head turned to look at me and he when he turned his head the tears in eyes and the look on his face made me think twice about what I wanted to say. Or better yet How I was going to say it. It pained me so much that I had hurt him this bad from one little mistake. He would think I was an ass if I just said what I was thinking. My heart fell in my stomach and I just stared at him.

He sighed and turned back the other way and mumbled something under his breath.

"Paul." I said it again, this time not as a question and some anger to my voice.

He looked at me glaring. "What?" His voice now trembled.

"I..know..sorry..won't..cut..it..but--" He cut me off.

"I don't want to hear it!" He snapped at me.

"Paul, please." I begged athough that was the last thing I wanted to do.

"Save it Benj, you're not the only guy in the world, I just used to THINK you were." He snapped again and those words shot through my heart like a bullet. I was dead. It hurt so bad.

I manged to utter something though as if my heart was able to say one last word before it's death. "I love you, Paul." I looked down, I couldn't look at him anymore.

"You love me?" He questioned me with his voice pissed off.

I nodded, not looking at him.

"And how long have you loved me?" His voice wasn't angry anymore.

I shook my head, I couldn't answer him, he'd laugh. It was all my life. Then he wouldn't want to believe me.

"Answer me." He said, I felt him walking near me now.

"I can't." I wispered under my breath.

"Why can't you?" He said, he was closer now. He took a seat next to me. I shivered as he put his arm around me. "Look at me Benj." I did. Big mistake. His eyes. I gulped. I wanted to turn away but I couldn't. His stare got to me. "Please, answer me." He pleaded.

I gave a nodd. "Since I was 8."

"Really?" He asked shocked, his voice barly above a whisper.

"Yes...I was just too afraid to tell you. What I did, I didn't mean it. I just didn't think we were serious. I didn't know..."

"Shh, save it. I take it back. You're still the only guy in the world for me." He told me.

I blinked. And tears stung my eyes. "What?" I chocked out.

"Benj, I'm in love with you too. If would have just told me that in the begining none of this would have happened. I was angry at you because you doubted your feelings, but deep down you were just scared of what I would have said." He told me now.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I love you. I always have. And I just... I mean... God." I chocked again.

Paul laughed slightly at me. I didn't know why. I felt like a complete fool and I frowned. "Benj, you have to learn to trust yourself and take a chance. You never know!"

I nodded, still frowning and staring. "You're perfect." I told him as my hand reached up and instinctevly touched his cheek. He shook his head and blushed. "No, I mean that." I informed him. "You're just--"

"Benji!!!!" He nearly yelled cutting me off.

I looked at him, and blushed now. "Huh?"

"Kiss me already." He smirked.

"Oh..." I said, closing my eyes and just falling against his lips letting them touch freely. I cupped his face in my hands and gently titled to deepen it. My tongue then finding his and massaging slowly, I found myself never ever wanting to let go of this amazing feeling I once longed for. Our mouths kissed passionatly for as long as I can remember; infact I can still feel lips pressed up against mine...

THE END

i guess im on a roll

Fri, 26 Sep 2003 04:03:48 GMT

why am i such a bad friend selfish and non-caring

J0hny P0t 5m0k3r [4:02 PM]: YOU DON'T FUCKING LISTEN OR GET IT DO YOU? OH SO YA FUCKING COMING TO YOUR HOUSE AND STOPPING DOESN'T MEAN I CARE? WELL FINE FUCK IT DON'T EVER TALK TO ME AGAIN IF YOUR GONNA BE A SELFISH BITCH LIKE THAT AND TELL ME THAT DOESN'T MEAN I CARE. I GUESS EVERYTHING I HAVE FUCKING DONE FOR YOU WAS NOTHING, YA THANKS ALOT YOUR SUCH A GREAT FUCKING FRIEND.

more songs

Mon, 22 Sep 2003 07:20:08 GMT

"Razorblades And Cupcakes"

Yea, Yea
Yea, Yea

Walking example of you
Wait for the silence
Talking backwards to you
It meant nothing to me

When the sun goes down
I'll remember this and every word you said
We've got to find our way back home

Perfect timing for you
Run till your legs break
Here's my reminder of you
It meant nothing to me

When the sun goes down
I'll remember this and every word you said
We've got to find our way back home

Yea, wipe your eyes
Cuz it can't rain everyday
It can't rain everyday

GO!
GO!

And I'll drive
Until there's no where for me to go
No stop signs hold me back
Find what this is worth to you
Cuz I'll be holding on forever
Forever

When the sun goes down
I'll remember this and every word you said
We've got to find our way back home

When the rain stops falling
I'll start again
Forget the words you said
Cuz I'll be holding on forever
Yea, forever

GO!

songs that i love at the moment

Mon, 22 Sep 2003 07:00:27 GMT

"Anthem Of Our Dying Day"

The stars will cry
The blackest tears tonight
And this is the moment that I live for
I can smell the ocean air
And here I am
Pouring my heart onto these rooftops
Just a ghost to the world
That's exactly
Exactly what I need

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
As you gasp for air tonight
I'd scream this song right in your face
If you were hear
I swear I wont miss a beat
Cause I never
Never have before

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

Of our dying day
Of our dying day
Of our dying!!!

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
And you gasp for air tonight!!

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

Our dying day
Of our dying!!!

Mon, 22 Sep 2003 03:38:18 GMT

arent you glad our not here wacthign me die.... i am i dont want to see the pain in your eyes if there is any so im glad but its a buetifull thing a persons probnlems fading away with their life....

Sun, 21 Sep 2003 22:50:05 GMT

xx_i_hate_me_xx
2003-09-14 01:18 (link)
Name:Ree
Reason:uhhhh i dunno =\
Sexual Preferance: doesnt matter *wink*
Anything Else?....

(Reply to this) (Thread)

_spoof_
2003-09-14 09:50 (link)
(Sexual Preferance: doesnt matter *wink* )

ROTF. YES. :DD Use this comment as proof that you were accepted XD

weeeeeee i was accepted i fell soooo special =]]

Sat, 20 Sep 2003 22:50:45 GMT

time for stupid tags again
hiiiiiii
i think im over someone but i dont know
weeeeee
Citations

Mon, 15 Sep 2003 00:47:31 GMT

I DONT KNOW WHY I POSTIN HERE NOBODY PROBABLY READS THIS AHHHHHHH UHH NO ONE LEAVES COMMENT SO IF YOU LUFF ME LEAVE ME A COMMENT

KNOW THIS Caryn is one sexy fucking beast and if you do not know this...YOU DO KNOW...MUWAHAHAH...She also gots the magicstick so all you jealous bitches BACK OFF! And to all my hos...I wuv you ^.^ andddd...YOUR FUCKING LUCKY I DO! HAHA...NOW GO MAKE ME SOME MONEY! - Caryn =]

dont you just luff my fucking pimp =] SHES A SEXY BEAST